For the past year or so I have been praying about what stops me from writing and pursuing outlets for my creative energy, like calligraphy. Something keeps telling me that I am not “artistic”. I was not given that special something that writers and other artists seem to have – that divine spark. I have had this misconception that artistic endeavors only come from this divine spark. Things should come out perfectly from the way it is in your head to the paper the first time. It should just flow out in a perfect stream of beautiful, profound words. I know this is a ridiculous lie but it’s an expectation that had ingrained itself deep into my being. Gradually over the last few months God has opened my eyes to new ways of thinking about the creative process. He has been putting opportunities and books and friends in my path that are unearthing all the old misconceptions and preparing the ground for a new wave of freedom and expression.
This week, I started reading a book called The Creative Habit: Learn It and Use It for Life by Twyla Tharp (a world famous choreographer). She starts out the book with a quote from Luke 8:36 “And those who had seen it told how he who had been possessed with demons was healed.” At first I thought it odd to start out a book on creativity with that quote, but as I read on I realized I am haunted by fears and distractions that paralyze me from becoming the creative person God made me to be. I am paralyzed, I need to be healed.
One of the first “exercises” she has you do is to face your fears about the artistic process. All artists have them. They don’t mean you aren’t artistic; you just have to learn how to keep them from paralyzing you. Get them out there, stare them down. Be like Gandalf to the Balrog: slam your staff down and declare “You shall not pass!”
My Top 5 Fears
I have nothing meaningful to say. In the end this is about opening myself up to Jesus, exploring Him and myself more fully. What could be more meaningful than that?
It’s not practical, efficient or frugal. The corollary – It’s wasteful. Does everything have to be in the service of over-achievement? Isn’t God extravagant, lavish, and even wasteful with His grace and mercy? It’s just the price of what you are creating. You pay for your creations with a mountain of crumbled up paper, tons and tons of ink, pens, pencils and a big part of your soul. Am I willing to pay it?
Someone has done it before and better. So what? Get over myself. What makes it unique is me. I’ve never done it before and I’ve never done it better. See #1 above.
Once executed, the idea will never be as good as it is in my mind. Too bad. You live in a fallen world. Better to create something imperfect than to let that creative spark lead to nothing when it could lead to an experience of Jesus.
I don’t have as much time as I would like to pursue it and get good at it. This is a particular bug-a-boo for me. With work and husband and daughter and house and meals and a million other things where do I find the time? I am learning to live more generously with time. Be more kind and gentle with myself about time. Changing how I feel about time, not thinking that there isn’t enough, but exploring its depths, living in it more expansively. And in the end getting rid of the things I don’t need and using wisely the time I do have, rather than saying there isn’t enough so I won’t even try.
